turns out, he is an illusion
Disclaimer
The information on this blog is not intended as a substitute for professional medical and/or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This blog is intended for informational purposes only. Any health concern must be assessed by a doctor or another licensed and/or certified clinician.
When we are Intuitive and strongly attuned to other people’s energy, life can be even more messy. For us Intuitives, it is in our best interest to learn to understand the Unseen, the energetics of this World. Because if we choose to ignore it, we pay a huge price, ultimately.
Since 2021, this has been a major focus in my life; to understand my psychic and mediumship abilities. It has been confusing and validating and life affirming and scary; a total roller coaster!!! I will never stop exploring my psychic abilities because strengthening these skills in this life is what I am here to do at Soul Level. Since 2024, I had texted Wanderer’s mother consistently, but only because she had helped me in the past. In 2022, we had multiple conversations about energy, the past lives my and Wanderer’s Souls have lived, putting up energetic boundaries; I trusted her. I trusted her. I trusted her. Turns out she is very much a two faced energy vampire. I had only wanted to share information in case it was helpful to understand. To hopefully to provide more context and frame of reference. Because there is so much research and literature that helps to explain the world at an energetic level. There is so much literature and research and science that explains Intuition. Every single human has Intuition. Most of us learn to suppress it because of fear. I had also texted her some downloads and intuitive experiences I had. I just wanted to share my perspective. I was hopeful she would consider my perspective, to at least consider my perspective. I had messaged her a couple of different times if she wanted me to stop texting her to please text back, “Stop texting me”. She never texted me back. At that time, I understood her silence to be a curious, baffled silence. In my perspective, I took her silence to not know what to do and to just observe instead. Because I had told her I would never message Wanderer via Facebook Messenger again (and I never did) because I was afraid it was pissing him off or scaring him. I just wanted these people to attempt to understand from my perspective. I was sharing knowledge.
One of the reminders that has come through for me very recently is: No matter how much knowledge and research you share with those who want to believe worst intent FROM you; Nothing will EVER change their mind.
They are stuck and married to the opinion that you are wrong and they are right.
You are lower than they are and they are so high.
You are inferior and they are so superior.
One reason I was telepathic as a teenager is because of the trauma I have experienced. In order to survive, my nervous system has insisted on being on high alert in all environments.
Wanderer and I do share a psychic connection. Also, our soul contract is a Master 11/2, according to numerology. For me, that means to Release this connection because it is not safe or good for me. I have learned so many humbling lessons over the past 5 years. All of the lessons I had to learn for so many reasons: Energetic Boundaries. Discernment. Self-Trust. Accepting that I will make mistakes from time to time. Seeking help when I need it AND, also, even when I feel like I don’t need it.
So many deeply humbling experiences.
For years, I didn’t think about him much. I never talked about him. Because I knew I was still so deeply wounded and I believed I would only fuck up his life. And I wanted and still want Wanderer to have a lovely life.
One evening, this was years ago (I think I was still in my 20’s at this point), my adoptive dad asked me if I even remembered Wanderer. At that time, I responded, “Yes, I remember Wanderer”, and continued on with what I was doing in that moment.
That is just one reason why I know for years he thought about me and would ask my parents about me. And my parents loved the drama of it all. Sneaking the gifts, never being direct. My parents liked me so much better when I was riddled with self-doubt. Wanderer also liked me better when I was riddled with self-doubt.
One of the lessons I am meant to learn from this psychic connection with Wanderer is to be able to know the difference between Hate and Love at an energetic level.
Considering all of the violence, abuse, neglect I experienced as a child, of course, I mistook Hate for Love. Most people confuse Hate for Love and Love for Hate. I am not alone in this mistake.
Ooppps.
I do believe that Wanderer wanted to make a connection with me over the years. But, I was so consumed by my own pain. I did him a favor by not connecting with him. And throughout the years, his resentment and hatred towards me grew and grew.
He fucking Hates me now.
To him, I am just another dumb Bitch who rejected him.
He is consumed by the projections he puts on me.
I have recently realized in previous lives we have had many different relationship dynamics. I have been his wife, he the husband. He has been my teacher, I the student. He has been my oppressor, I the oppressed. He has been the enslaver, I the slave. And it goes on and on.
And for many months I have confused his Hatred of me with Love.
Because, let’s face it; I am still a bit fucked up. I still have so much Healing to do.
This past April, I realized that Wanderer and I have a psychic connection. And throughout this month, I misread him telepathically.
Again, I thought he loved me. But nope, he fucking hates me now.
And since I misunderstood him telepathically. I texted him some stuff I now regret. His mother, his sweet, sweet mother gave her phone to him. For months, I thought I was just texting her. I texted him some photos of me. Nothing too crazy. Just simple photos of me. I also texted him where I live. I totally regret doing that now. At the time, it felt like a good idea. Now I know that was a very regrettable decision. One out of many mistakes to learn from.
I have given a few close and trust-worthy friends his full name and other identifying details, just to be on the safe side. I know, at surface level, he has a pretty life that he enjoys.
There are a lot of mysteries in life. It is okay to not have a full understanding when it comes to other people’s actions. People are icebergs. Maybe we see about 3%-5% of a person, everything else is submerged. And a lot of people have no clue who the fuck they are.
So…yeah…going through a Spiritual Awakening is not for the faint of heart.
Lessons Learned from this long and drawn out experience, so far:
Even though I have done a lot of work on healing the trauma I have experienced, on an energetic level, I misread Hate for Love
So many people want to dominate and control other people
I am not here to be liked, I am here to be authentic
Even though on the outside I am a tough and cynical person; on the inside I just want to connect with others authentically; To Love and Be Loved
Some people will be committed to miss perceiving you no matter how much evidence and knowledge you share with them
I am going to write a memoir about the adventures of understanding the Complexities of Energy and Spiritual Shit–Because it is not an easy road–Most people want you to fail
For years I believed I was doing Wanderer a life saving favor by avoiding contact with him, turns out, I was also saving myself in avoiding contact with him. A Win-Win
Side Note: If you find yourself in the midst of a Spiritual Awakening; Welcome to the Unofficial Club!!! I know the early days of a Spiritual Awakening can feel maddening, confusing and exhausting. There are so many ego deaths involved. The unnerving questioning of Identity, questioning the meaning of this life, past life memories resurfacing, experiencing intense and energy draining Ascension symptoms, the list goes on. I know when I was in the early days of going through the Initiation of a Spiritual Awakening; I experienced confusion, loneliness, and a lack of direction. What I wished I had during those days was some kind of guide…maybe even a coach? A Spiritual Awakening Coach. That is exactly why I offer these kinds of wellness coaching services. I know how valuable it is to be able to talk about experiencing ALL of the kinds of experiences that come with going through a Spiritual Awakening. I understand the kind of peace one can receive when they get the support that they need.
Also, if you find that you are at a crossroads with the relationship you have with your Sexual Wellness and have serious questions or qualms about it, working with a coach may be helpful. Again, I understand how participating within a working relationship, how working with a coach, can lend vital support around having clarity and ease within oneself over time. Working with a Wellness Coach to support you in understanding a core human experience such as sexuality can play a big role in Growth and Expansion.
Working with a Spiritual Awakening Coach can be an essential part of one’s Soul-U-tioN.
