conflicted

Disclaimer

The information on this blog is not intended as a substitute for professional medical and/or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This blog is intended for informational purposes only. Any health concern must be assessed by a doctor or another licensed and/or certified clinician.

Befriending my nervous system.

I know I need to do it. I know there is plenty of room for growth in carving out the time and space to do some simple somatic exercises to help soothe, calm and reset my nervous system. 

My logical brain knows I will benefit from these exercises…and yet I still don’t do them.

For almost a year I have started and stopped the 30 day program (created by the Workout Witch). The most I have completed was 21 straight days. Then I stopped. Then there was that time I did 14 days straight, then I stopped. At first I told myself it was because I had a job that required me to work late evenings. Then I got a different job in the 9 to 5 range. 

And the struggle to do 30 days consistently is so for real. 

Making these release exercises a priority in my life will help to improve the quality of my life. And yet I haven’t completed this. 

Am I addicted to my cortisol surges? I think so. 

Because, who am I if I am not constantly creating too much cortisol???

It has been the only consistent thing in my life. 

Short list of people I have had to let go of so far: 

The relationship I had with my biological mom that I had to escape from when I was 17. 

I have had to release all of the relationships with my family of origin. 

Last year I had to release the relationships with my adoptive parents who have both consistently and diligently dismissed my perspective in addition to gaslighting; plus other stuff.  

As I release the people who would ultimately harm me and I as I do the things I need to do to nurture myself such as getting quality sleep, eating vegetables, drinking water: stepping in as my own nurturing, patient, calm, reliable (while still holding myself accountable) parent ; as I do all of these things…this is a blind spot for me. 

Struggling to complete this 30 day program to release stored emotions and cortisol…perhaps I have built this up in my head and I am over analyzing it? Perhaps. Nonetheless, this still feels like a carrot dangling over my head. 

We all struggle…right???

I will continue on this odd obstacle riddled goal I have for myself. 

Who knows?

Maybe I will try again tomorrow???