thoughts matter

Disclaimer

The information on this blog is not intended as a substitute for professional medical and/or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This blog is intended for informational purposes only. Any health concern must be assessed by a doctor or another licensed and/or certified clinician.

For a really long time I believed I was defective. For a really long time I was surrounded by people who wanted to use me all up. Use my body, use my energy, use my intellect for their benefit. 

When we grow up having our boundaries crossed, we become conditioned that it is love. That is NOT love, it is control and dominance. 

When I was a teenager and home alone I could actually breathe fully. There were many times when I would be in the kitchen or living room and felt content and calm.

Just chill.

And then my adoptive mom would appear and my body would immediately switch to hypervigilance. She would be critical about something, making a demand. My body would tense and I went straight into People-Pleasing mode. It was so automatic. 

It has taken me a very long time to understand that I was emotionally abused by my adoptive parents. Since they never physically abused me and since I have an extensive history with being physically abused; the emotional abuse was far more difficult to detect. 

Also, since I am an Empath I have always been able to feel the emotions and thoughts of other people. Growing up and all throughout my 20’s I did not understand that I was literally feeling other people’s emotions in my body. I just told myself that I was really fucking crazy and avoided people generally. I was a loner. 

My adoptive mom was not aware of how to regulate her own emotions. She was also not aware when she engaged in cognitive distortions. She is a person who is riddled with a lot of fear based thoughts. A very Unconscious person. 

Every criticism she engaged in. Every fear based thought that crossed her mind, I was tuned into when I was in her presence. Since I absorbed everything around me at that time, I took every judgement from her very personally. It validated to me that I was Unlovable. Which flooded me with fear. Which fed into my People-Pleasing tendencies. 

I struggled with this vicious cycle for years. What helped to break that cycle was slowly learning more about neuroplasticity and the latest science on emotions and being a highly sensitive person.  

Now I understand that I am an Empath. Now I understand the life saving value of strengthening my energetic boundaries. 

When people do not understand that they are an Empath and have mirror touch synesthesia, which is feeling the emotions and sensations of other people, they are going to be manipulated. What they do not understand is how vulnerable they are to other people’s thoughts and wants; they are easy prey to become a Slave. A Slave to other people’s desires. They will do things that, initially, they believe they wanted but that is an illusion. They do things that other people want them to do. 

Again, when we are not taught to honor our own boundaries and when we have no idea just how tapped in we are to other people’s emotions and thoughts; we do things that do NOT come from us. We get manipulated so easily. 

Just when you thought life couldn’t be anymore complicated. 

Another way to think about the brain is to think of it as an antenna. We don’t just create thoughts with our brain, we receive thoughts from other people.  Our thoughts matter. Our thoughts matter so much more than we have been led to believe. 

Since I am an Empath, I have absorbed so much stress and toxic thoughts from other people for many years. I didn’t realize absorbing thoughts and beliefs from other people was even possible, it never even crossed my mind as a possibility. I just thought I was really fucking crazy. Except when I was alone. When I was alone I actually felt calm. 

Unknowingly absorbing so much information that did NOT come from me, it came TO me was so confusing. If I hadn’t been a loner, I would have experienced far more manipulation than I did. 

While my practices of cultivating compassion and empathy are important to me, having firm and healthy boundaries and limits expressing and giving compassion and empathy to others is JUST as Vital as the practice itself. 

It is a mistake to equate empathy with weakness. 

Considering how most people are not aware of their personal power. And considering we live in a fucked up patriarchal world where there is a huge power gap between men and women. 

Considering how boys and men are taught entitlement around sex.

Considering how girls and women struggle to have autonomy of their body. 

Considering how men are not held accountable for their bullshit behaviors. 

Considering how out of touch most people are with their emotions and instincts.  

Considering that men will think whatever they want because they believe since it is only in their heads that means their thoughts are somehow not real. 

Except thoughts are very real AND impact the physical world. Thoughts impact other people. 

Energetic Rape Is Real. 

In our fucked up patriarchal culture many people deny the reality that many boys and men also experience rape. They are expected to swallow that Truth whole. The violence feeds into silence and the silence feeds into the violence and on and on it goes. 

Thoughts Matter.

So many people have bought into the belief that dangerous people are somehow outside of their homes and communities. No matter how good of a person you believe yourself to be; you are someone’s worst nightmare. 

The more we attempt to suppress and to bypass our shadows; the more Distortion leaks out and harms ourselves and others. 

May the Children be safe in their beds tonight. 

Music

Something In The Way…..Nirvana 

Talk Show Host…..Radiohead

Closer…..Nine Inch Nails

beetlejuice chill…..Life After Youth

Looking For The Answer…..Lllyric?

Daddy Loves You…..Dana Dentata

Daddy…..Korn

Love You to Death…..Type O Negative

Like a Stone…..Audioslave

Patience…..Chris Cornell 
You Know You’re Right…..Nirvana