Six Principles of sexual health
Disclaimer
The information on this blog is not intended as a substitute for professional medical and/or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This blog is intended for informational purposes only. Any health concern must be assessed by a doctor or another licensed and/or certified clinician.
Six Principles of Sexual Health
Considering that only 37% of states in the U.S. expect their schools to teach sexual education that is medically accurate in high schools; it is no wonder that many people struggle within their intimate, romantic relationships. With a lack of knowledge that is based on fact with human well-being in mind; is it any wonder why many people struggle in this facet of life? One thing that is apparent to me, is that many people struggle to talk openly about expectations, preferences; knowing how to build up trust within relationships. The list goes on. There are many cultural influences that blindsides people from developing these skills.
With a Humanitarian and Global Perspective in mind, I really appreciate the following definition from the World Health Organization on Sexual Health.
According to the current working definition, sexual health is:
“…a state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being in relation to sexuality; it is not merely the absence of disease, dysfunction or infirmity. Sexual health requires a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence. For sexual health to be attained and maintained, the sexual rights of all persons must be respected, protected and fulfilled.” (WHO, 2006a)
What I wish is taught to teens more is the relational skills that go into many different kinds of relationships, specifically romantic and/or sexual relationships. Because a lot of these skills are rooted in communication, embodied emotional intelligence and empathy. And most of these skills transfer to all kinds of relationships.
The following are principles and skills that can enhance trust, intimacy, connection, pleasure and authenticity.
Six Principles of Sexual Health
Consent–It is an agreement. Just because you say yes and agree to one thing, does not automatically mean you are agreeing and saying yes to all things. Get explicit about it, make no assumptions. Consider eye contact and body language. Universal concept, every culture has an understanding of consent and how important it is for bodily and emotional autonomy.
Quick Communication Breakdown: 7%ish of our communication relies on verbal (words we say). 38%ish is paraverbal which is our tone (how we say things). 55%ish is nonverbal which is facial expressions, eye contact, gestures, body language, proxemics, and touch. ***Context, Clusters and Congruence aka The 3 C’s of Nonverbal Communication.
Do you say, “yes” when you genuinely want to? Do you say, “no” when you genuinely need to?
When you feel the need to say, “no”, does your nervous system get activated into hypervigilance? Because of feeling wary or afraid of pushback, shutdown, rejection, potentially being misunderstood?
Check-In Question: Do you feel comfortable with a hug? (When first getting to know someone/building trust with sharing personal space).
2. Non-Exploitative–Things to consider: Power dynamics, age, gender, socio-economic status, relationship roles, sexual orientation. How do power dynamics impact the relationship? Are you aware when you are being controlling and manipulative towards other people and/or are you aware when other people are being controlling and manipulative towards you?
3. Honesty–What is the intention of this sexual relationship? How transparent are you about expectations and/or limitations of the relationship? Are there conversations about sexual experiences outside of that relationship such as masturbation, porn, sexual contact with other people including sexting; is transparency about these activities important to one or all who are involved in the relationship? Are you able to be honest about your wants, needs and boundaries even if you potentially stand to lose a relationship? Or experience embarrassment or shame?
4. Shared Values–Is there an understanding of what is important within the sexual relationship for all participants? How do curiosity, honesty, adventurousness, and other values play into the relationship? Are they honored?
How do you want to feel within the relationship?
5. Protected from STI’s/Unwanted Pregnancy/Emotional Safety–What is the agreement on contraception? Condom use? How often do you get tested for STI’s? Having conversations around safety. What are the important factors that go into feeling safe within the relationship? How aware are you of your personal needs for emotional safety; can you communicate those needs?
What does safety look like and sound like to you?
How aware are you when you are in a hypervigilant state?
What are the best ways for you to co-regulate and/or get into a parasympathetic state after realizing your nervous system has been activated?
How comfortable are you with advocating for your needs?
What does repair after a misunderstanding or a disagreement look/feel like within the relationship?
6. Mutual Pleasure–How important is it that sexual experiences are mutually pleasurable and beneficial? Are all participants in the relationship able to authentically express themselves? How is desire expressed and/or received?
What is your tolerance for navigating uncomfortable conversations?
What is your own vision of sexual health for you?
Keeping in mind just how impactful the relationships we participate in and how those relationships impact every important part of our lives; learning to implement these principles may be a worthwhile investment for our overall well-being.
Music
Let’s Talk About Sex…..Salt-N-Pepa
S&M…..Rihanna
Feeling Myself…..Nicki Minaj, Beyonce
WAP…..Cardi B, Megan Thee Stallion
Pony…..Ginuwine
I Touch Myself…..Divinyls
southbound…..Artemas
Ava Adore…..The Smashing Pumpkins
All The Things She Said…..t.A.T.u
Sources:
The 6 Principles of Sexual Health taken from Sexual Health in Drug and Alcohol Treatment by Douglas Braun-Harvey. The 6 Principles of Sexual Health has been expanded by Phoebe Rae.
psychologytoday.com blog titled, “Is Nonverbal Communication A Numbers Game? By Jeff Thompson Ph.D.
https://www.bu.edu/sph/news/articles/2025/only-37-of-us-states-require-sexual-education-in-schools-to-be-medically-accurate/
Supportive Materials
Books
Savage Love from A to Z by Dan Savage
The Erotic Mind by Jack Morin, Ph. D.
Every book and podcast created by Dr. Esther Perel
Mating In Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence
The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity
Where Should We Begin? (Podcast)
How’s Work? (Podcast)
