healing at the spa
Disclaimer
The information on this blog is not intended as a substitute for professional medical and/or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This blog is intended for informational purposes only. Any health concern must be assessed by a doctor or another licensed and/or certified clinician.
I have had multiple experiences of being sexually exploited in my life. Those experiences left me feeling dirty and all used up. As someone who has experienced sexual abuse as a young child, I grew up with the sense/feeling/belief that I was defective/tainted/gross. For a really long time, I have been on my own with figuring out my answers on how to heal and maintain healing. Considering we live in a chaotic, often violent world; we all get traumatized on some level and so, it stands to reason to come up with ways of coping and learning how to defuse the strain and stress of our existence.
I have become more tuned into how my nervous system jumps into hypervigilance whenever I am around men…so basically everyday. I wondered what else I could do with lessening this nervous system activation; the bottom line is, it drains more of my energy than I feel is necessary. I have gone to therapy, gone to support groups, I have deepened my self-awareness, done a variety of breathing exercises, journaled, I take walks in nature, I exercise everyday, I have gone back to therapy multiple times, I have learned and strengthened assertive communication, nonviolent communication, asking open ended questions, I have had many intimate conversations with men about their experiences with healing from abuse, I have released the toxic people that were once involved in my life and still I feel soooo afraid. What gives??? Don’t get me wrong, these practices have been integral in my healing…and yet…
That is when I let my Curiosity lead me.
There is a spa.
At check-in, I hand over my ID and phone temporarily. This spa is swim suit optional. What I typically do, is after I have changed into my dusty-rose colored robe and swim top, I go into the stream room and sit in silence. I focus on my breathing. Sometimes I am in there alone and sometimes there are other naked people in there with me. We don’t speak to each other. Everyone is sharing space and in their own experience. As I am sitting, I like to imagine all of the stress and stuck emotions in my tissues melting out of my body. I stay in the steam room until I can’t take it anymore. Then I go into the dry heat sauna for a bit. I sit in silence, I breathe the hot air into my lungs, grateful for its cleansing properties. I’m focused on being present inside my body. Practicing gratitude for my strong, healthy body. I have had to work so hard to get to the point where I am actually grateful for my body. From the SA I have experienced, the body shaming from the adults (women in particular) and other kids as I grew up, the bullying, grown men undressing me with their eyes…it’s a lot to process. AND what is also true is that my experience is not unique. So many of us have these kinds of experiences. In my case, the adults around me were stuck in their own survival or denial; either way I was on my own to figure this shit out. It’s been lonely.
After sweating out toxicity from my body for a bit, I get a cold beverage. Alcohol isn’t served on the premises. I usually get a corpse reviver (water infused with electrolytes); guava rose is my preference. I get my water, I sit by the bonfire and look up to the sky, sometimes I can see the Moon. After a good sweat, going outside, getting a lovely drink and leaning back on a lounge chair and looking up at the sky; lovelovelove. It feels soothing and relaxing; I feel calm. Sometimes I observe other people. At times, people are having conversations in the jacuzzi; sometimes I tune in out of curiosity. Sometimes I am in my own experience.
After replenishing my body with water, I hang my robe and go into the jacuzzi. I love the warm, bubbly water. I wear a swim top and skip the bottoms. For about 10-15 minutes I do light humming to activate my vagus nerve, I will bob up and down in the water gently. After about 10 minutes of this practice I feel so good and safe in my body. I feel like I am in a Womb. I imagine I am in the Womb of Mother Earth; so Warm, Nurturing, Life-Giving. Sometimes I imagine I am a Mermaid. Tapping into my Imagination and Play is a, “Fuck You!!!”, to the system that wants us severed from our Imagination.
I had a hunch that being partially naked would somehow enhance my healing practice. I was correct. Engaging in this practice consistently, I have noticed a shift within myself. The shift has been subtle and definitely there. There is something about being in the presence of men and being partially naked while I engage in my rewiring practice…while I can’t specifically call out the mechanisms of why this is working; the bottom line is that it works. This practice is helping me to rewire my nervous system. To train my brain that I Really Am Safe.
Even though most people are naked, the vibe isn’t sexual. It is very possible that some people are sexualizing others in their mind, we are all products of our culture after all; however, touching other people isn’t allowed nor is creepy, prolonged staring. And so far, my experiences at this spa have been deeply supportive and safe.
These experiences have highlighted just how healing water is for me. My Sun and Moon are in the sign of Cancer. My natal chart is Water Dominate. I grew up swimming in the Ocean. Of course water feels so good to me, so healing.
I feel grateful for my Curiosity; it leads me to surprising places. In a world where exploitation is as commonplace as breathing; of course, there is a need to think outside of the box when it comes to figuring out our own answers for Healing.
Stay Curious. 🙂
Much Love
Be Safe.
Some Music I Listened To While Writing:
Courage To Change…..Sia
Move Your Body…..Sia
Talk Show Host…..Radiohead
running up that hill…..Dominic Donner
Breathe Me…..Sia
Bird Set Free…..Sia
Midnight City…..M83
Elastic Heart…..Sia
Chandelier…..Sia
