wanderer, i love you
Wanderer. I remember the first time I saw you, when I met your family for a second time. The second I saw you, I felt into your warm, loving, tender HEART. You were such a Beautiful Boy. You took my breath away. I admired how you could articulate so clearly. The way you spoke, you were so sure of yourself, so confident. I admired those qualities of yours. I immediately felt intimidated by you. The home you lived in was very beautiful, you were very beautiful, your family was very beautiful. I couldn’t relate to any of that. By the time we met, I felt like poison, all used up, a burden. I knew you would get older, do the college thing and live an amazing, gorgeous life with so many amazing opportunities. You would grow up to be somebody in this world. By the time I was 8 years old, I was pretty sure I would wind up murdered and nobody would care. A natural consequence of living in poverty. But to my surprise I didn’t die before the age of 18.
We both got older. I struggled all throughout my 20’s. I didn’t know what to do. I just felt exhausted all of the time. Occasionally, I would overhear how you were doing out in the world via my parents. The military academy, graduating, building up your career. A VERY BIG LIFE. That long-term relationship you were in. You had been dating her for a very long time. She looked like she fit into your life, like she belonged in your life. I believed that could never be me for so many reasons. I didn’t belong. I didn’t belong. I didn’t belong. I hoped so hard that you didn’t live your life with excessive lies. I hoped so hard you were living the life that made sense to you and you were with the people you truly wanted to be with. It has always been important to me to live my life as authentically as possible. It’s been messy. I was honest when I said that I didn’t ever want a boyfriend. A lot of boyfriends lie.
I kept it a rare occurrence but every once in a while I would look up your facebook profile. God, you are so Beautiful!!! I think my favorite photo from that time was the photo of you holding that sea turtle. I wished I could see your face in that photo. You still felt warm back then. I loved that you were at the sea. I liked to imagine that you were creating a beautiful life for yourself, surrounded by people you love and who love you for you.
Back in 2022. I was still talking and texting with your mother back then. Back when I didn’t know she had sinister motives. How she only appeared to be helping me. I had told her in one of our conversations that I thought you and I were Soulmates. She sounded flustered when I said that. I immediately felt embarrassed because I didn’t want to be misunderstood. You were already married by then and I wasn’t trying to weasel my way into any of your lives. Later I texted her to clarify.
May 3, 2022 at 8:54 AM
It also feels important for me to highlight what I mean when I say soulmate. Soulmate, for me, simply means being very compatible with another on a soul, spiritual level. It is not always romantic. My best friend from my childhood was a soulmate which is why that loss has been and continues to be very difficult. My best friend, Tara, who I met when I was in my mid twenties and, initially I did not like her. Over time. She grew into a soulmate. Exposure. :)
I was told you were happily married even though I was getting intense intuitive hits about you. That was confusing. I respect boundaries so I tried to ignore the thoughts and feelings related to you. Maybe I was crazy??? Then I found out you had a child with your wife even though I was still getting these intense intuitive hits about you. That was so confusing. Why couldn’t I stop thinking about you? I wanted it to stop. I wanted it to stop so bad. I tried and I tried but I could not not think about you. SO FUCKING MADDENING!!!
By this time I was studying numerology and life path numbers. I felt compelled to share information with your mother. I didn’t want to contact you because I didn’t want to annoy or scare you. I wanted to respect your boundaries.
I sent this text on Feb. 21, 2024 at 2:33 PM
I need to share this information with you. Please know my intention is coming from a soul level, humanitarian place. I suppose you could say destiny is at the core of this. I might be wrong about the date but I do believe Wanderer’s and his wife’s son was born on ________. The number is significant. Please go to a legit numerologist. People with this number are relationship oriented. They can be great peacemakers or diplomats. He may have psychic abilities. People who are deeply sensitive like this, need a lot of support and understanding. His soul is here to help heal the world. I had to give you this message. I don’t want to continue messaging Wanderer. I’m afraid it is freaking him out or pissing him off. Please watch this video. Things will make more sense. Also, in the upper corner of the screen (left side), there is a poster of an old acquaintance of mine. ;) They say we are all connected. These days I am seeing more and more connectedness.
I shared a video from Youtube from Astro Finesse about your Master Number. The way I was given this video felt very synchronistic.
By this time I felt like my role in your life was to be a messenger. During this time I still trusted you mother. Hopeful that she would be empathetic. I couldn’t ignore the need to communicate everything I shared with your mother. Even though she had stopped responding to my texts. I wasn’t interested in getting a reaction, I just needed to share the information. I didn’t know for sure but I was hopeful your mother would at least attempt to understand. It felt important. I didn’t want to interfere with your life. But I still wanted you to receive this information. Now I know your mother is a narcissist, an intense one.
The next day I texted your mother.
Feb. 22, 2024 at 11:02 PM
Okay. I’m trying my best to go to sleep but I’m getting the intuitive nudge to share this with you. I think you will need to share this with Wanderer. This is really challenging for me because I know it sounds so extra. In 2019 I took a class on the Psychology of Marriage. That class was incredibly interesting. I was fascinated with the topic. I remembered feeling like an explorer, it was very odd and curious to me. One thing that stood out was the professor covering the topic of pair bonding before patriarchy and as she was describing that, this image that felt very visceral came into focus in my mind. At the time I didn’t understand that it was a past life memory. What I saw and felt was a pregnant woman, standing close to her partner. They were both admiring a beautiful sunset together. It felt peaceful and harmonious. In that body, in that moment, I remembered feeling connectedness and content and loved. That my body was doing what it was meant to do with carrying the baby and feeling connected to my partner (it was Wanderer’s soul, of course). Again, I know how extra this sounds but I’m pretty sure the soul of the baby from that past life memory has been reincarnated into Wanderer’s and his wife’s baby. I feel confused. And curious. I don’t know what to do.
Wanderer. You are Psychic. The military knows you’re Psychic. That is why you are especially useful to them and their cause. Wanderer. You have hurt me in many ways. You’ve hurt me. Over and over and over again. It was you who wished that I would give you my attention and love and infused your wish into that cocktail mixer that was given to me on your behalf. I am so grateful that I listened to my intuition and did not drink all of it. Things would have been so much worse for me if I had. I only had 2 or 3 drinks from it. Unfortunately for me, that was enough to alter my own, personal will. You over powered me, you cornered me. You made me believe I was in love with you. I have always had love for you, true love for you; the kind of love that respects fucking boundaries and one’s own sovereignty. You only think of me as an object. You dehumanize me. I know you dehumanize me because you also have been dehumanized. By your family, by the military, by other people….it is up to you to reclaim your healing and sovereignty. No one is coming to save you Wanderer. You have taken from me without my consent. You take take take. I used to really enjoy my pleasure practice. It helped me to feel safer in my own body. As I would touch myself, I would be very present and focus on the sensations I experienced. It was a powerful practice for me. And you took that from me. You took that from me. You took that from me. I don’t think you care. I think you feel justified. Like I owed you something.
I think about the Child everyday. He sends me messages. I can’t help but to feel this deep, profound love for this Child. I worry about him. What kind of life is he going to have? Is he going to get all used up like you??? Another person who can’t think for himself? What’s going to happen to him? For as long as you keep your head buried under the sand, that Child is in danger. He is in harm’s way because of you.
I have always wanted what is best for you Wanderer and I always will. If you feel called to Redemption, do it. I believe in your ability to heal. You are meant to be Free, Expansive, Curious, Gargantuan!!!!! Doing the work and healing is the way. I believe in you!!! You are meant to alchemize your Pain into Wisdom. And you will! And so it is! I Love You!!!!! I Love You!!!!! I Love You!!!!!
Church Bells…..Henry Morris
Strangelove…..Black Math
Headache…..Asal
Paradise…..Henry Morris
Drugs and Money…..Henry Morris
Dirty Magazine…..Henry Morris
So Romantic…..Henry Morris
lost dream…..arya x
One of the Greats…..Florance + The Machine
Dream Girl Evil…..Florance + The Machine
Hunger of the Pine…..alt-J
My Mind…..ema sid
No Begging, Just Becoming…..Good Vibes Tribe 11:11
What It’s Like…..Everlast
love is a knife…..Artemas
It’s Not The End…..breathe.
