chiron in cancer

Disclaimer

The information on this blog is not intended as a substitute for professional medical and/or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This blog is intended for informational purposes only. Any health concern must be assessed by a doctor or another licensed and/or certified clinician.

It’s been over a year since I severed the relationships with my adoptive parents. While I knew it was the right choice for me to make, it was still a very difficult thing to do at that time. After years of trying to get them to attempt to understand my perspective. To have them understand the way they showed up in the relationship also impacted our relationship; it wasn’t just on me. After witnessing over and over from both of them how justified they believe they are to be dismissive and to not hold themselves accountable for what they say and do; it became oppressively clear to me that they did not care about the quality of our relationship. They expected me to ALWAYS people please, to ALWAYS doubt myself and to NEVER advocate for myself; to walk on eggshells around them ALWAYS. To ALWAYS be chasing their approval. 

I remember how my mom modeled that approval-chasing for me when it came to both of her parents. 

Chasing the approval of both of her wounded parents is the exact thing my adoptive mother did over and over and over again. Never once did I ever see her question on how they landed on their perspective. And when I say, “question”, I mean simply getting curious about how another person came to that reasoning and/or perspective. Having questions being led by curiosity; in order to understand on a deeper, more intimate level. This is one way we can cultivate intimate, respectful relationships that are mutually beneficial.  

My mom does ’t know how to cultivate intimate, respectful and mutually beneficial relationships. This skill demands sharp communication and relational skills and as a woman who has been married since the 1980’s she has leaned into the patriarchal expectations and has not learned how to advocate for her needs. Hence, her passive aggressive habits. Also, as a sidenote, abolishing marital rape (at least on paper) was not signed into federal law until the early 1990’s. Most people, women especially, have not been given the support and education on being able to advocate for their needs to people who have more power than they do. Just one drawback to a patriarchal culture, at least, according to my perspective; which leans towards egalitarianism. 

My mom has internalized so many expectations from others, she has spent her whole life chasing the approval of others. As for my dad…well…he performs being the “dedicated” and “doting” husband very well. He appears to be a loving husband. They both do a lot of hiding behind their marriage, which most people do. 

Her whole life she spent so much energy attempting to gain the approval of her fucked up parents. Focused on external validation.

“Look at me Mommy, Daddy; I’m a nurse!”.

“Look at me Mommy, Daddy; I’m a wife!”.

“Look at me Mommy, Daddy; I’m an artist!”.

She wanted to be thought of as a “good” girl; to never question or critique supposed authority: She was Compliant. 

It was never enough.

Her mother thought her nose was too big. When she turned 18, her dearest mother paid for her to get a nose job: Compliant.  

She could never be pretty enough; even though she was a tall, thin woman. She had a figure a lot of women would appreciate having. She could never see her own beauty: Compliant. 

She consistently talked about and critiqued other women' s and girls’ bodies: Compliant. 

She not only internalized the expectation to chase the approval of her parents. She had also internalized the expectation to chase the approval of patriarchy: Compliant. 

It eventually became very clear to me that both of my parents expected me to fall in line with their expectations. For me to not ask too many questions or challenge them. To not advocate for myself.   

When I allowed myself to see this truth crystal clear, it was obvious to me that I could not continue to have a relationship with them. When the truth about the nature of our relationship was no longer being held together by the idea or the potential of what this relationship could be; I refused to participate in my own self-sabotage in order to keep the peace in those relationships. 

I imagined being a mother. I imagined what I would do if I had a dependent, helpless infant in my care. I asked myself, “Would I feel comfortable leaving my child, my baby alone with them? With two people who cannot even manage their own uncomfortable and distressing emotions?”. My answer to that question was, “Absolutely Fucking NOT”. 

After communicating to them directly and clearly that I would not engage in a relationship with them and I expected them to never contact me ever; those first few months were painful. What was also painful to realize, was all of the self-sacrificing I did for the family relationships. My adoptive parents confuse love with control. Unfortunately, this is a common side effect of patriarchy. 

All I feel now when I think about my parents is relief. 

I feel relieved I no longer have to dumb myself down. 

I feel relieved that I am not consistently gaslit and lied to. 

I feel relieved I am no longer trapped by their bullshit. 

I am grateful to not be trapped by their “niceness”. 

Being “nice” is so fucking performative. 

There are a lot of “nice” people in the world. And sometimes we get to see just how “nice” and fake they really are. 

For example: 

Lately a lot of wealthy men (“nice” guys)…well…turns out not so nice. There is that one in particular; with the public proof that he not only repeatedly cheated on his wife (it is my understanding their marriage had the expectation that both of them would be monogamous); he also had contracted an STI and asked for advice on how to sneak medication into his wife’s food. What a nice guy! He lacks integrity obviously. 

There are sooooo many nice men in the world. Isn’t that lovely?! (Sarcasm).

A lot of men lack integrity. As a collective, men have not earned the privilege to co-create monogamous relationships with women. Men are not worthy of this. 

As a collective, men have demonstrated they are conniving little weasels, they are cowards, they are users, they are manipulators with no desire to understand how they impact other people. They do not deserve the companionship and loyalty that women have to offer. 

Having a boyfriend is sooooo embarrassing now. Tripled with having a husband. Just another overgrown baby. Cannot directly speak his needs and limits; cannot use his words. Just like a baby. Not worth it. 

It has been validating to have proof that the world is, indeed, run by psychopaths. 

We will be gaslit NO MORE. 

In this world we have a lot of nice people who play power games with others. With their partners, with their children…A lot of people attempting to have power over others is gratifying for them. They get off on it; dopamine hits and everything. 

When we have people in positions of power who lack genuine empathy and care for others. When we have people who are emotionally reactive, power hungry and only know how to manipulate and gaslight others in relation to them…..

What do you think the end game of that is going to be???

Just like every other system in this country; the family system is busted open, in pieces. So much fucked up shit happens in famlies, especially in the families that appear oh so nice.

I am so grateful I stumbled upon astrology when I did. It has allowed me to deepen my shadow work practices. It has highlighted where I struggle and where I am more naturally gifted. It has helped me to deepen my healing.  In a world where gaslighting and lying is normalized, it can be a helpful tool to help people see themselves as they actually are. 

For people who are ready to see themselves clearly and to integrate healing; astrology is helpful because it highlights people as they are. Not as they wish they were. Not as what their ego tells them they are. Astrology is what it is. It's great for Truth Seekers.

Not everyone wants the Truth. So many people feel placated with fantasy and lies; smoke and mirrors. 

Astrology highlights energies and how they intersect in specific areas of life.

Let’s go down a rabbit hole…shall we?

The Chiron in Cancer placement is a very challenging placement to have. When a person is able to heal and integrate all of the pain; they will have the unshakeable truth that they are their own safe place. Their own safe home. They learn that they can rely on their perceptions of the world and sustain unbreakable self-trust. 

8th House is the area of life about sex, death, rebirth, trauma, the hidden/unseen, the occult aaaanndd taxes and shared resources.

Cancer is connected to the maternal, to the mother. 

Chiron in Cancer in the 8th House:

Loss of personal power. Could manifest as experiencing sexual abuse as a child. A sudden loss of a person; sudden death and witnessing and attempting to process that loss at a young age. A lot of people who have experienced sexual abuse and who stay in denail typically have major issues with control and often manipulates or attempts to manipulate others in a distorted attempt to feel more in control and having more power. Struggles with intimacy are common with this placement. Also, sex addiction can be prevalent with this placement. Like I said, Chiron in Cancer is a very difficult placement to have. 

For this example let’s use the mythical “nice” guy:

His Obsessive Need for the Attention, Validation and Approval of others. His Need to be considered, to appear as a “Nice Guy”...because at his very core he has no idea who the fuck he is; he is so confused. SeekingSeekingSeekingTakingTakingTakingANDTaking some more; Always. It’s never enough. It’s a roller coaster of seeking out the degrees, the job titles, the shiny accolades; a never ending game of ping ponging from one end to another. This is just one way how an unhealed Mother Wound can manifest. Although, the “Nice Guy” trap is common. There will never be enough attention for this “Nice Guy”, not with his ignored, vacant space where his heart ought to be. No amount of external validation will ever heal this wound. 

REPARENTING.

Love IS An Inside Job. 

I am grateful I have been aware of this reality since I was a teenager. When I was about 15 years old I had a bit of a revelation; it went like this:

“I could wind up fucking 1,000 men and still feel EMPTY on the Inside. I could make Millions of Dollars and still feel EMPTY on the Inside. I could have so much plastic surgery; get Plastic Pretty AND STILL be EMPTY on the Inside”. 

This insight I had when I was a teenager has saved me so much energy and heartbreak. I am grateful. 

Growing up and observing all kinds of people, what struck me in particular is the coldness that a lot of wealthy people live with.

I felt into their empty void on the Inside. It frightened me. I felt the Cold, Bleak Reality of Emptiness. 

I don’t want to be like that. 

I AM Grateful I AM Not Like That. 

“Social status”--Not worth it.

Being someone’s “wife”--Not worth it. 

Going to college right out of high school and getting the degrees and certificates to get a “good job”--Not worth it. 

When people pursue these things out of the need to please other people–Not worth it. 

Realizing I have been in alignment with my Soul since my late teens: FUCKING PRICELESS.  🙂

Us and Pigs…..SOFIA ISELLA

The Loony Bin…..Jahrund

Dream Girl Evil…..Florence+The Machine

Number 1 Crush…..Leeni

rage…..yergurl

love is a knife…..Artemas

Keeps Bringing Me Back…..Blood Cultures